Imagine if you take an exoricism, but instead of one person having their demons, erm, well exorcised, imagine a whole country.
It seems thats what its like in Spain at the moment, where apparently a whole nation (well the middle bit at least - the support of Catalunya and the Basque Country remains up for debate*)
The always entertaining Sid Lowe writes about it here.
* How many Basques does it take to support Spain? Just one, as long as none of his friends find out.
Monday 30 June 2008
Sunday 29 June 2008
Euro 2008
And so it comes to an end. After 22 days, and 30 games, there is but 1 remaining. And within a few hours, either Germany or Spain will be crowned deserving champions. Because, normally, that's who wins. Even in 2004 when Greece won and coined the term anti-football, as well as garnering respect and loathing in equal measure, sometimes even from the same sources.
But, the night is darkest before dawn, just as it was when the clean sheet fest that was Italia 90 led to the introduction of the backpass rule. Euro 2004 proved that you could win a football tourament without attacking, and Euro 2008 has proved that you can win one without defending. Looking at the defences, and particularly centre backs, before the tournament began, goals always seemed on the cards. The French had an ageing out of form Thuram and an error prone Gallas. Fabio Cannavaro was the reason Italy won the World Cup in 2006. When looking at the Dutch team, it wasn't the defenders that stood out. Even the finalists aren't steady at the back - Mertzelder and Mertesacker look unsteady and perpetually error prone, whilst Puyol and Marchena are accidents waiting to happen. While it easy to salute Puyol's ability to make the last ditch tackle and his full blooded commitment to every challenge, fewer mention that if he had any positional sense he wouldn't have to do so in the first place.
All this has lead to the most glorious tourament since at least Euro 2000, if not Mexico 86 (so I'm told), so here's a few standouts.
Player of the Tournament.
Andrei Arshavin brought his undoubted talent to the table, and the only surprise was that people were surprised by him. Anyone who has more than a passing interest in football outside the Premier League already knew that he was a gifted ball carrier. Suspended for the first two games, he was Russia's best player against Sweden, before giving the individual performance of the tournament against the Dutch. However, he was countered well by Spain, and a few pieces of genius aside never really looked in the game.
Player of the torunament for me then is one of the men who shackled him brilliantly. Marcos Senna may not be the glamour name in the Spanish XI, but without him they would not be in the final. He has been the lynchpin that has allowed the undoubted midfield genius of Xavi, Iniesta, Silva and Cesc to do their thing. He has pulled the strings magnificently, not letting the opposition play, and releasing those in front of him into space with exquisite passing. Simply put, he is the player that Michael Carrick wishes he was, and even at the age of 32 would grace any stage with aplomb. It may be called the Makele role, but only one man in this tournament has been fit to grace it.
Individual performance of the tournament
Already mentioned above, but Arshavin was magnificent against the Netherlands, ripping them to shreds, and going past men at will.
Team performance of the tournament
A difficult one - Spain's semi final destruction of Russia, Germany tearing Portugal apart, Russia against the Dutch in the quarters. But the Netherland's destruction of France by 4 goals to 1 was a thing of counter attacking beauty. While their performance a few days before against Italy was a game to behold, the 3-0 victory was somewhat harsh on the Italians. There was no such luck involved 4 days later.
Goal of the tournament
Almost impossible to call - Sneijder's counter attacking goal against Italy, Ballack's moment of magic in an otherwise dull match against Austria, Ibrahamovic's strike against Greece, or even Nihat's second against Czech Republic but for me it was Sneijder's impudent strike against France that was the single best goal.
Lesson's not heeded
Never write off Turkey. Switerland, Czech Republic, Croatia, all thought they had them beat, but the Turks showed admirable determination to get to the semis, and were incredibly unlucky to go out in the semis after outclassing an off colour Germany.
Tactical call
Van Basten showing an admirable set of cojones by bringing on Robben and Van Persie to stop France getting the upper hand in a game where Holland were already 1-0 up. It made the match.
Biggest Disappointment
Easy. France. An idiot for a coach, it was a tournament too many for Thuram, Makele and Henry, and one too soon for Toulalan, Nasri, and Benzema. With the players coming through, they could be a real threat in South Africa in two years time.
Team of the tournament (in the fashionable 4-2-3-1)
Casillas (GK) - a majestic save against Italy kept the Spaniards in the match.
Lahm (RB) - better on the left, but sums up the tournament by being sumptious going forward and lacklustre at the back. A wonderful goal against Turkey.
Zhirkov (LB) - utter class, great coming forward and comfortable in possession. Would be an asset for any side.
Pepe (CB) - comfortable on the ball. A stand out defender (except at set plays)
Chiellini (CB) - not the fastest, but looked solid. Didn't play against Holland, but looked comfortable against France, Romania, and Spain.
Senna (DM) - for all the reasons above
Deco (CM) - the best Portuguese player in the tournament. Rarely wastes a pass, and seems to ahve more time on the ball than any other player. Makes the central midfield role look easy.
Arda (LW) - summed up his game, but beating his man within 5 seconds of kick off against Switzerland and capped a fine performance with a wonderful goal. Fast, skillful, with a massive bag of potential.
Sneijder (RW) - another contender for player of the tournament. Wonderful in posession, and scored two of the most memorable goals of the tournament.
Arshavin (SS) - an irrepressible genius. Makes everything look easy, and sure to be plying his trade on a bigger stage.
David Villa (ST) - started with a bang with a brilliant hat trick, before winning the game against Sweden. Quiet against Italy, but few strikers have brilliant games fighting their way through banks of 4 and 5, and was injured before getting into his stride against Russia. Even then, no real competition in terms of strikers.
Whoever wins tonight will ultimately be remembered as the champions of a truly great tournament, which will be a yardstick for years to come. Spain deserve it, and their midfield could have a field day against a weak German defence. Equally German's height at set plays will be factor, and Puyol and Marchena will need to be at their last gasp best.
But, the night is darkest before dawn, just as it was when the clean sheet fest that was Italia 90 led to the introduction of the backpass rule. Euro 2004 proved that you could win a football tourament without attacking, and Euro 2008 has proved that you can win one without defending. Looking at the defences, and particularly centre backs, before the tournament began, goals always seemed on the cards. The French had an ageing out of form Thuram and an error prone Gallas. Fabio Cannavaro was the reason Italy won the World Cup in 2006. When looking at the Dutch team, it wasn't the defenders that stood out. Even the finalists aren't steady at the back - Mertzelder and Mertesacker look unsteady and perpetually error prone, whilst Puyol and Marchena are accidents waiting to happen. While it easy to salute Puyol's ability to make the last ditch tackle and his full blooded commitment to every challenge, fewer mention that if he had any positional sense he wouldn't have to do so in the first place.
All this has lead to the most glorious tourament since at least Euro 2000, if not Mexico 86 (so I'm told), so here's a few standouts.
Player of the Tournament.
Andrei Arshavin brought his undoubted talent to the table, and the only surprise was that people were surprised by him. Anyone who has more than a passing interest in football outside the Premier League already knew that he was a gifted ball carrier. Suspended for the first two games, he was Russia's best player against Sweden, before giving the individual performance of the tournament against the Dutch. However, he was countered well by Spain, and a few pieces of genius aside never really looked in the game.
Player of the torunament for me then is one of the men who shackled him brilliantly. Marcos Senna may not be the glamour name in the Spanish XI, but without him they would not be in the final. He has been the lynchpin that has allowed the undoubted midfield genius of Xavi, Iniesta, Silva and Cesc to do their thing. He has pulled the strings magnificently, not letting the opposition play, and releasing those in front of him into space with exquisite passing. Simply put, he is the player that Michael Carrick wishes he was, and even at the age of 32 would grace any stage with aplomb. It may be called the Makele role, but only one man in this tournament has been fit to grace it.
Individual performance of the tournament
Already mentioned above, but Arshavin was magnificent against the Netherlands, ripping them to shreds, and going past men at will.
Team performance of the tournament
A difficult one - Spain's semi final destruction of Russia, Germany tearing Portugal apart, Russia against the Dutch in the quarters. But the Netherland's destruction of France by 4 goals to 1 was a thing of counter attacking beauty. While their performance a few days before against Italy was a game to behold, the 3-0 victory was somewhat harsh on the Italians. There was no such luck involved 4 days later.
Goal of the tournament
Almost impossible to call - Sneijder's counter attacking goal against Italy, Ballack's moment of magic in an otherwise dull match against Austria, Ibrahamovic's strike against Greece, or even Nihat's second against Czech Republic but for me it was Sneijder's impudent strike against France that was the single best goal.
Lesson's not heeded
Never write off Turkey. Switerland, Czech Republic, Croatia, all thought they had them beat, but the Turks showed admirable determination to get to the semis, and were incredibly unlucky to go out in the semis after outclassing an off colour Germany.
Tactical call
Van Basten showing an admirable set of cojones by bringing on Robben and Van Persie to stop France getting the upper hand in a game where Holland were already 1-0 up. It made the match.
Biggest Disappointment
Easy. France. An idiot for a coach, it was a tournament too many for Thuram, Makele and Henry, and one too soon for Toulalan, Nasri, and Benzema. With the players coming through, they could be a real threat in South Africa in two years time.
Team of the tournament (in the fashionable 4-2-3-1)
Casillas (GK) - a majestic save against Italy kept the Spaniards in the match.
Lahm (RB) - better on the left, but sums up the tournament by being sumptious going forward and lacklustre at the back. A wonderful goal against Turkey.
Zhirkov (LB) - utter class, great coming forward and comfortable in possession. Would be an asset for any side.
Pepe (CB) - comfortable on the ball. A stand out defender (except at set plays)
Chiellini (CB) - not the fastest, but looked solid. Didn't play against Holland, but looked comfortable against France, Romania, and Spain.
Senna (DM) - for all the reasons above
Deco (CM) - the best Portuguese player in the tournament. Rarely wastes a pass, and seems to ahve more time on the ball than any other player. Makes the central midfield role look easy.
Arda (LW) - summed up his game, but beating his man within 5 seconds of kick off against Switzerland and capped a fine performance with a wonderful goal. Fast, skillful, with a massive bag of potential.
Sneijder (RW) - another contender for player of the tournament. Wonderful in posession, and scored two of the most memorable goals of the tournament.
Arshavin (SS) - an irrepressible genius. Makes everything look easy, and sure to be plying his trade on a bigger stage.
David Villa (ST) - started with a bang with a brilliant hat trick, before winning the game against Sweden. Quiet against Italy, but few strikers have brilliant games fighting their way through banks of 4 and 5, and was injured before getting into his stride against Russia. Even then, no real competition in terms of strikers.
Whoever wins tonight will ultimately be remembered as the champions of a truly great tournament, which will be a yardstick for years to come. Spain deserve it, and their midfield could have a field day against a weak German defence. Equally German's height at set plays will be factor, and Puyol and Marchena will need to be at their last gasp best.
Friday 27 June 2008
The sub-editor's revenge
John Simpson of the BBC is one of my favourite writers. His books are filled with well written anecdotes and fascinating stories.
This is a short bit which amuses me from "News From No Man's Land".
Back in 1966 when I was a sub-editor in the Colditz which we called the BBC Radio Newsroom, they still talked about the revenge of one of our number who had been sacked a few years earlier for some offence. On the last evening of his final shift, he was asked to write a story about the ending of a strike in the steel industry. He put it into skillfully camouflaged anapaests, which went unnoticed by the quick-scanning chief sub-editor's eye:
There were scenes of delight in Port Talbot tonight, as news of the settlement spread. The unions were pleased that the crisis had eased, and the firm was delighted, it said.
You must read it out loud to get the best effect. Some unfortunate newsreader had to.
This is a short bit which amuses me from "News From No Man's Land".
Back in 1966 when I was a sub-editor in the Colditz which we called the BBC Radio Newsroom, they still talked about the revenge of one of our number who had been sacked a few years earlier for some offence. On the last evening of his final shift, he was asked to write a story about the ending of a strike in the steel industry. He put it into skillfully camouflaged anapaests, which went unnoticed by the quick-scanning chief sub-editor's eye:
There were scenes of delight in Port Talbot tonight, as news of the settlement spread. The unions were pleased that the crisis had eased, and the firm was delighted, it said.
You must read it out loud to get the best effect. Some unfortunate newsreader had to.
Friday 20 June 2008
Total football
One of the most interesting articles on football I've read recently, by the always insightful Jonathon Wilson
Music is my radar
I was thinking last night about how I'm not really into 'older' music. I pretty much constantly listen to stuff that I've recently bought, which is nearly always a new release. Or I'll go back and listen to an album that I was really into when it first came into.
This is something specifically to do with albums really, not music overall. My favourite ever song (Ceremony by New Order) was released long before I was musically aware, and if a hear a Rolling Stones song I'll generally turn the volume up rather than off. Even though I like the music of the Stones, the Kinks, and all that jazz I have absolutely no desire to go back and listen to Exile on Main Street or whatever.
Its not the same with films - stuff like Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Apocalypse Now, the Godfather, Once Upon A Time in the West, Citizen Kane and Gone With The Wind were all released before I was born, yet still had a profound effect on me. Books as well, like On The Road, and Confederacy of Dunces, heck even Lord of the Rings were all written long before I popped into existence, and set in a context foreign to me, but they still mean something to me.
And there's the issue. Its all to do with MEANING and CONTEXT. Albums that were released before I was born I struggle to relate to. I think songs are different, because they're smaller and more digestable. Everyone is exposed to them, but how often do you hear an album on the radio, or when you're out. Almost never.
When someone of a more mature age than me listens back to their old Beatles or Dylan EPs, they're probably transported back to those days, and reminded of how they felt when they first heard them. They have a context for them. I don't, and for that reason they don't mean anything to me. As I mentioned above, Ceremony is my favourite track, but other than a singles collection and the album they put out in 2000 (which I bought at the time), I don't own a New Order album. Nor do I even want to.
Music is literally a soundtrack to your life. I suppose its because its something you do, while doing something else. When i reread my favourite book, or pop Star Wars in the DVD player, the only memories it inspires are memories of having read the book the first time or watching Return of the Jedi as a 4 year old. When we go on holiday we come back home and make compilation CDs on the music that reminds us of the experience. We don't make a compilation of the books we read. I don't remember what books I was reading when I worked and travelled in America in 2002, but I can tell you that the three songs on repeat on American radio that summer were Complicated by Avrila Lavigne, A Thousand Miles by Vannessa Carlton, and the Middle by Jimmy Eat World.
The albums I like listening to the most are albums that I have context for. There are albums in my collection that I don't remember buying - stuff by the Deftones, Stellastarr*. I relistened to them both recently, and while I liked them, they left me feeling slightly cold and uncomfortable because they lack a context. Contrastingly when I put on an album that reminds of an experience I get that warm and cosy feeling that comes free with a bottle of nostalgia.
Take Futures by Jimmy Eat World. Few would argue its their best album, many would argue its not that good at all. But I love listening to it. Because it reminds me of Winter living in Zaragoza, and walking the streets exploring at night. Every day I hear it I was to put on a warm jacket and a scarf and go wondering in the cold. Perversely when I hear it on a sunny day I don't enjoy it as much. It feels wrong. A Rush of Blood to the Head reminds me of a two week period between buying it on the day of its release in New Orleans, and seeing them in Las Vegas.
There's lots of albums like this, and nearly all of them have a small story like those two. That's why music is brilliant. Its autobiographical. Things that you can't contexualise, lack any personal relevance to you. They're biographical. I guess the difference between the two is that with Exile on Main Street I'd be on the outside looking in, and with albums like Futures or Rush of Blood to the Head I'm on the inside looking out. And that's where I prefer to be.
This is something specifically to do with albums really, not music overall. My favourite ever song (Ceremony by New Order) was released long before I was musically aware, and if a hear a Rolling Stones song I'll generally turn the volume up rather than off. Even though I like the music of the Stones, the Kinks, and all that jazz I have absolutely no desire to go back and listen to Exile on Main Street or whatever.
Its not the same with films - stuff like Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Apocalypse Now, the Godfather, Once Upon A Time in the West, Citizen Kane and Gone With The Wind were all released before I was born, yet still had a profound effect on me. Books as well, like On The Road, and Confederacy of Dunces, heck even Lord of the Rings were all written long before I popped into existence, and set in a context foreign to me, but they still mean something to me.
And there's the issue. Its all to do with MEANING and CONTEXT. Albums that were released before I was born I struggle to relate to. I think songs are different, because they're smaller and more digestable. Everyone is exposed to them, but how often do you hear an album on the radio, or when you're out. Almost never.
When someone of a more mature age than me listens back to their old Beatles or Dylan EPs, they're probably transported back to those days, and reminded of how they felt when they first heard them. They have a context for them. I don't, and for that reason they don't mean anything to me. As I mentioned above, Ceremony is my favourite track, but other than a singles collection and the album they put out in 2000 (which I bought at the time), I don't own a New Order album. Nor do I even want to.
Music is literally a soundtrack to your life. I suppose its because its something you do, while doing something else. When i reread my favourite book, or pop Star Wars in the DVD player, the only memories it inspires are memories of having read the book the first time or watching Return of the Jedi as a 4 year old. When we go on holiday we come back home and make compilation CDs on the music that reminds us of the experience. We don't make a compilation of the books we read. I don't remember what books I was reading when I worked and travelled in America in 2002, but I can tell you that the three songs on repeat on American radio that summer were Complicated by Avrila Lavigne, A Thousand Miles by Vannessa Carlton, and the Middle by Jimmy Eat World.
The albums I like listening to the most are albums that I have context for. There are albums in my collection that I don't remember buying - stuff by the Deftones, Stellastarr*. I relistened to them both recently, and while I liked them, they left me feeling slightly cold and uncomfortable because they lack a context. Contrastingly when I put on an album that reminds of an experience I get that warm and cosy feeling that comes free with a bottle of nostalgia.
Take Futures by Jimmy Eat World. Few would argue its their best album, many would argue its not that good at all. But I love listening to it. Because it reminds me of Winter living in Zaragoza, and walking the streets exploring at night. Every day I hear it I was to put on a warm jacket and a scarf and go wondering in the cold. Perversely when I hear it on a sunny day I don't enjoy it as much. It feels wrong. A Rush of Blood to the Head reminds me of a two week period between buying it on the day of its release in New Orleans, and seeing them in Las Vegas.
There's lots of albums like this, and nearly all of them have a small story like those two. That's why music is brilliant. Its autobiographical. Things that you can't contexualise, lack any personal relevance to you. They're biographical. I guess the difference between the two is that with Exile on Main Street I'd be on the outside looking in, and with albums like Futures or Rush of Blood to the Head I'm on the inside looking out. And that's where I prefer to be.
Thursday 19 June 2008
Paging Andy Townsend (literally)
literally -
Correct usage - "If you don't stop using that phrase incorrectly, I will literally kill you"
–adverb
Incorrect usage - "He's literally put that cross on a plate for him", "He's literally up Koller's backside there"| 1. | in the literal or strict sense: What does the word mean literally? |
| 2. | in a literal manner; word for word: to translate literally. |
| 3. | actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy: The city was literally destroyed. |
Correct usage - "If you don't stop using that phrase incorrectly, I will literally kill you"
Thursday 12 June 2008
Dyslexia Panic Averted
I had a mini moment of crisis today.
I caught the headline of a newspaper today, and at first glance it appeared to be gobbeldy gook. I tried to ignore it, assuming that I was in a dream like state where things didn't naturally make sense. Except I was definitely not sleeping.
So I tried reading it again, and I definitely did not understand the headline. It was two made up words, surely. Then the panic really set in. Oh my god, I thought, I've actually lost the ability to read. Surely its like riding a bike, or tieing your laces. Once you have it, it don't go anywhere.
Then I realised that not only could I not understand the headline, BUT NONE OF THE OTHER WORDS MADE SENSE EITHER. I was fucked, clearly. My life was in ruins, because I had forgotten how to read.
This all happened in the space of what I would estimate to be around 1 second. This was the lenght of time it tookme to clock that it was the Polish edition of the Sun, and that as I can't read Polish it was not a big surprise that it was incomprehensible.
I caught the headline of a newspaper today, and at first glance it appeared to be gobbeldy gook. I tried to ignore it, assuming that I was in a dream like state where things didn't naturally make sense. Except I was definitely not sleeping.
So I tried reading it again, and I definitely did not understand the headline. It was two made up words, surely. Then the panic really set in. Oh my god, I thought, I've actually lost the ability to read. Surely its like riding a bike, or tieing your laces. Once you have it, it don't go anywhere.
Then I realised that not only could I not understand the headline, BUT NONE OF THE OTHER WORDS MADE SENSE EITHER. I was fucked, clearly. My life was in ruins, because I had forgotten how to read.
This all happened in the space of what I would estimate to be around 1 second. This was the lenght of time it tookme to clock that it was the Polish edition of the Sun, and that as I can't read Polish it was not a big surprise that it was incomprehensible.
Things I've learned from television I
If you lie on your CV you stand an increased opportunity of getting a job with a six figure salary.
Therefore on my CV my middle name is 'team player', under skills I have 'mean pterodactyl impression' and I've studied at Oxford, Yale and the Sorbonne.
Therefore on my CV my middle name is 'team player', under skills I have 'mean pterodactyl impression' and I've studied at Oxford, Yale and the Sorbonne.
Wednesday 11 June 2008
Here's hoping no assassins are reading...
Today, apropos of nothing, I worked out how I would assassinate myself, were I able to maintain split personalities capable of being in different places at the same time. Or perhaps I mean, how someone might assassinate me, were they so inclinded to do so.
Around a half mile from my flat there's an old building. I think its an old factory, and may now in fact be a brewery. Its quite tall, and the top features castle style turrets and slit windows. Clearly these windows are perfect for lurking in. Even with contacts in, there's no-one I could see anything.
Now from these slit windows, there's a clear line of vision to my kitchen window. Now, anyone who did a bit of research on me, would know that I hate leaving dirty dishes. Given that my kitchen sink is right by the window, its a guaranteed fact that every night I'll spend at least 10 minutes standing there, blissfully unaware of the potential for doom (until now). Not only that, but as I'm also a creature of habit its more or less the same time every day that I'm there. Obviously I can't disclose the time for safety reasons.
Not only that, but given the good transport links the sniper could be well away (from Bridgeton train station) immediately. By estimation if it took an hour or so to get the manhunt under way - assuming that someone hears the shot - the sniper could be as far away as Edinburgh. If the assassination wasn't discovered straight away, Mr. Sniper could even get to the airport and be out of the country. Presumably to somewhere without an extradition treaty to the United Kingdom.
A half decent sniper on a clear day would have me on toast. Although, with my admittedly rudimentary knowledge of sniping (Call of Duty 4 not withstanding), there appear to be 2 things in my favour.
1. The bullet would have to cross a busy park and a river, meaning that there is little wind cover. Given that it can be quite windy, the sniper would need to be skilled.
2. The bullet would also have to come through glass, which I'd imagine would slow it down enough in my favour. Conversely the glass might also lacerate me quite harmfully. Swings and roundabouts, this one.
Also in my favour is the fact that I can't think of any reason why someone would want me dead. Of course, those are probably the people that do end up getting assassinated...
Around a half mile from my flat there's an old building. I think its an old factory, and may now in fact be a brewery. Its quite tall, and the top features castle style turrets and slit windows. Clearly these windows are perfect for lurking in. Even with contacts in, there's no-one I could see anything.
Now from these slit windows, there's a clear line of vision to my kitchen window. Now, anyone who did a bit of research on me, would know that I hate leaving dirty dishes. Given that my kitchen sink is right by the window, its a guaranteed fact that every night I'll spend at least 10 minutes standing there, blissfully unaware of the potential for doom (until now). Not only that, but as I'm also a creature of habit its more or less the same time every day that I'm there. Obviously I can't disclose the time for safety reasons.
Not only that, but given the good transport links the sniper could be well away (from Bridgeton train station) immediately. By estimation if it took an hour or so to get the manhunt under way - assuming that someone hears the shot - the sniper could be as far away as Edinburgh. If the assassination wasn't discovered straight away, Mr. Sniper could even get to the airport and be out of the country. Presumably to somewhere without an extradition treaty to the United Kingdom.
A half decent sniper on a clear day would have me on toast. Although, with my admittedly rudimentary knowledge of sniping (Call of Duty 4 not withstanding), there appear to be 2 things in my favour.
1. The bullet would have to cross a busy park and a river, meaning that there is little wind cover. Given that it can be quite windy, the sniper would need to be skilled.
2. The bullet would also have to come through glass, which I'd imagine would slow it down enough in my favour. Conversely the glass might also lacerate me quite harmfully. Swings and roundabouts, this one.
Also in my favour is the fact that I can't think of any reason why someone would want me dead. Of course, those are probably the people that do end up getting assassinated...
The buiding can be made out in the gap between the two appartment buildings facing on to me.
Tuesday 10 June 2008
50 States: 50 Songs
The challenge is to take each American state, and then find a song which contains it in the title. Alternatively we could take a song title, and look for American states within it.
There are a couple of rules:
1. No songs written for musicals.
2. The name of the state MUST be in the title - not the band, or a lyrics (so Take me home (country roads) doesn't count)
3. Souths, Norths and Wests can be discounted. But in these cases, there needs to be a song for each compass point i.e there must be two songs with Carolina in them.
1. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynrd
2. Alaska
3. Arizona
4. Arkansas
5. (Dani) California - Red Hot Chili Peppers
6. Colorado
7. Connecticut
8. Delaware
9. Florida - Modest Mouse
10. (Midnight Train To) Georgia - Gladys Knight and the Pips
11. Hawaii
12. Idaho
13. Illinois
14. Indiana
15. Iowa
16. Kansas
17. Kentucky
18. Louisiana
19. Maine
20. Maryland
21. Massachussets - Bee Gees
22. Michigan
23. Minnesota
24. (Cry) Mississippi - Helicopter Girl
25. Missouri
26. Montana
27. Nebraska
28. Nevada
29. New Hampshire
30. (Timberwolves at) New Jersey - Taking Back Sunday
31. New Mexico
32. New York (I love you, but you're brining me down) - LCD Soundsystem
33. (Sudden Death in(North)) Carolina - Brand New
34. (North) Dakota - Stereophonics
35. Ohio
36. Oklahoma
37. Oregon
38. Pennsylvania
39. Rhode Island
40. (Oh my sweet(South)) Carolina - Ryan Adams
41. South Dakota
42. Tennessee (Sucks) - Ryan Adams
43. Commerce, Texas - Ben Kweller
44. Utah
45. Vermont
46. Virginia (Moon) - Foo Fighters
47. Washington
48. West Virginia
49. Wisconsin
50. Wyoming
TO BE CONTINUED...
There are a couple of rules:
1. No songs written for musicals.
2. The name of the state MUST be in the title - not the band, or a lyrics (so Take me home (country roads) doesn't count)
3. Souths, Norths and Wests can be discounted. But in these cases, there needs to be a song for each compass point i.e there must be two songs with Carolina in them.
1. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynrd
2. Alaska
3. Arizona
4. Arkansas
5. (Dani) California - Red Hot Chili Peppers
6. Colorado
7. Connecticut
8. Delaware
9. Florida - Modest Mouse
10. (Midnight Train To) Georgia - Gladys Knight and the Pips
11. Hawaii
12. Idaho
13. Illinois
14. Indiana
15. Iowa
16. Kansas
17. Kentucky
18. Louisiana
19. Maine
20. Maryland
21. Massachussets - Bee Gees
22. Michigan
23. Minnesota
24. (Cry) Mississippi - Helicopter Girl
25. Missouri
26. Montana
27. Nebraska
28. Nevada
29. New Hampshire
30. (Timberwolves at) New Jersey - Taking Back Sunday
31. New Mexico
32. New York (I love you, but you're brining me down) - LCD Soundsystem
33. (Sudden Death in(North)) Carolina - Brand New
34. (North) Dakota - Stereophonics
35. Ohio
36. Oklahoma
37. Oregon
38. Pennsylvania
39. Rhode Island
40. (Oh my sweet(South)) Carolina - Ryan Adams
41. South Dakota
42. Tennessee (Sucks) - Ryan Adams
43. Commerce, Texas - Ben Kweller
44. Utah
45. Vermont
46. Virginia (Moon) - Foo Fighters
47. Washington
48. West Virginia
49. Wisconsin
50. Wyoming
TO BE CONTINUED...
/language geek joke
Did you know that the motto of the French Navy translates as "To the water, its time"
"A l'eau c'est l'heure"*
*only funny if you say it out loud in an ridiculous French accent. Possibly not even then.
"A l'eau c'est l'heure"*
*only funny if you say it out loud in an ridiculous French accent. Possibly not even then.
Tuesday 3 June 2008
The Apprentice
Reality Television, it is generally considered, is rubbish and reckoned by many too be one of the many signs of an upcoming Armageddon - Heat Magazine, confused.com, and the Kooks being the others presumably.
In 99% of cases I agree whole heartedly - do we really need a TV show which tells us that Kerry "That's why mums go to Iceland" Katona is a vapid, irritating, self-obsessed moron, or yet another series of Big Bruva, featuring morons who actually want to be Kerry Katona? That was a rhetorical question by the way. To which the answer is a resounding no.
(Surely by now, every celebrity obsessed idiot in the country who would describe themselves as being 'totally crazy', who likes 'drinking and partying' has now actually been on a reality TV show)
Which brings me to the diamond in the rough that is the genius of the Apprentice. It too features morons, but in this case its people who combine the most beautiful of traits for those who enjoy seeing muppets getting what they're due - arrogance and ignorance. And therein lies its utter genius, combined with the brilliance of Sir Alan Sugar and his henchpeople Nick and Margaret who courted controvery by taking on an entire University "I think Edinburgh isn't what it used to be".
This series on the BBC every Wednesday at 9 has been comedy gold. Every week I find myself in front of the telly either laughing til I cry, or SHOUTING AND GETTING REALLY ANNOYED WITH THEIR SHEER STUPIDITY.
Now we're onto the last 5. Sadly the wit of Raef has gone ("The spoken word is my tool"), as too has the unbelievable arrogance of Michael ("The good little Jewish boy" who didn't know what Kosher chicken was. In the moment of the series so far when he seemed unsure of his Jewishness, Sir Alan requested that he take down his trousers to find out. 5 minutes later Michael was seen crossing himself on the way back into the boardroom. Although I suppose, at that point, he needed all the help he could get), but there remain some characters left
Lee (who is the spit of Super Hans from Peep Show) refers to himself in the third person and yells "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT" regularly, with feeling. As of yet, no-one knows what he is talking about. He also does a mean pterodactyl impression.
Whatever the task Lucinda will complain that its not her strong point. No-one knows what this mysterious strong point is, as of yet. She has also crafted her role as the victim to perfection. Having said that, she is my fav, due to her awesome selection of berets.
Helene is dull and does nothing.
Alex is alright. He is, however, a bit of a dick with a terrible taste in coats. He is the dullest man ever.
Cla(i)(r)(e) is clearly Sir Alan's fav. She is a gobby bitch, with a penchant for comparing herself to dogs. Needs to be taken aside and told that when people say she's like a Rottweiler, its not a compliment. She has however, taken on board the criticism and became better and less annoying for it. Of the 5, she is the only one that deserves to win and is the only one likely to win.
That doesn't mean, however, it won't be essential telly viewing to see how she does it.
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