The Apprentice

Reality Television, it is generally considered, is rubbish and reckoned by many too be one of the many signs of an upcoming Armageddon - Heat Magazine, confused.com, and the Kooks being the others presumably.

In 99% of cases I agree whole heartedly - do we really need a TV show which tells us that Kerry "That's why mums go to Iceland" Katona is a vapid, irritating, self-obsessed moron, or yet another series of Big Bruva, featuring morons who actually want to be Kerry Katona? That was a rhetorical question by the way. To which the answer is a resounding no.

(Surely by now, every celebrity obsessed idiot in the country who would describe themselves as being 'totally crazy', who likes 'drinking and partying' has now actually been on a reality TV show)

Which brings me to the diamond in the rough that is the genius of the Apprentice. It too features morons, but in this case its people who combine the most beautiful of traits for those who enjoy seeing muppets getting what they're due - arrogance and ignorance. And therein lies its utter genius, combined with the brilliance of Sir Alan Sugar and his henchpeople Nick and Margaret who courted controvery by taking on an entire University "I think Edinburgh isn't what it used to be".

This series on the BBC every Wednesday at 9 has been comedy gold. Every week I find myself in front of the telly either laughing til I cry, or SHOUTING AND GETTING REALLY ANNOYED WITH THEIR SHEER STUPIDITY.

Now we're onto the last 5. Sadly the wit of Raef has gone ("The spoken word is my tool"), as too has the unbelievable arrogance of Michael ("The good little Jewish boy" who didn't know what Kosher chicken was. In the moment of the series so far when he seemed unsure of his Jewishness, Sir Alan requested that he take down his trousers to find out. 5 minutes later Michael was seen crossing himself on the way back into the boardroom. Although I suppose, at that point, he needed all the help he could get), but there remain some characters left

Lee (who is the spit of Super Hans from Peep Show) refers to himself in the third person and yells "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT" regularly, with feeling. As of yet, no-one knows what he is talking about. He also does a mean pterodactyl impression.

Whatever the task Lucinda will complain that its not her strong point. No-one knows what this mysterious strong point is, as of yet. She has also crafted her role as the victim to perfection. Having said that, she is my fav, due to her awesome selection of berets.

Helene is dull and does nothing.

Alex is alright. He is, however, a bit of a dick with a terrible taste in coats. He is the dullest man ever.

Cla(i)(r)(e) is clearly Sir Alan's fav. She is a gobby bitch, with a penchant for comparing herself to dogs. Needs to be taken aside and told that when people say she's like a Rottweiler, its not a compliment. She has however, taken on board the criticism and became better and less annoying for it. Of the 5, she is the only one that deserves to win and is the only one likely to win.

That doesn't mean, however, it won't be essential telly viewing to see how she does it.